beware of the dumpers!

What are dumpers? Dumpers are those people usually “friends” who call you up or drop on your doorstep to dump their shit on you. Maybe you have a friend like that. They call you every time they have a bad day and tell you all about it making you feel as depressed as them. When they leave having supped all your tea and eaten all you’re your biscuits having got it off their chest you feel as if the life has been sucked out of you. Often these people don’t want advice just sympathy due to their self-absorbed mindset and don’t think that you might be having a bad day too.

The dumper will typically spew the same old self-pity about the difficult life they live as if they are the only people who have challenges in life. Generally they will take no notice of any advice you give as they replay the same stuff week after week. You feel like banging their head on the door as you discuss the same old shit because they don’t have the sense to work it out themselves. The dumper can often become dramatically animated over things that if they actually sat down and thought about them they would understand how easy they would be to solve. Rather than do that the dumper would rather let you do the thinking for them thank you for your advice and friendship when the session is over. The problem is that by allowing them to do so you are actually encouraging them to do it more and not think for themselves.

What can be done?

Understand that these people need to be firmly put in their place otherwise they will suck you dry like a vampire. You must tell them “Look I have given you my best advice and you haven’t taken it, you can’t just call or show up and drop your shit on me. I’m not having it any more.” Tell them that you are not prepared to go over and over the same crap they go on about such as weight, people at work, partners or their depression any more and that if they come round or call you that you are not their counsellor. Tell them if they haven’t got anything positive to say don’t bother calling. I know this sounds heartless but it’s not as cruel as dumping you’re shit on somebody nice like you.

They need to learn. If you have given your best advice and listened and sympathised and they still come round every week having taken none of it in and start all over again then you must put them right. You’re not their counsellor. Tell them if they want you to be then you charge £50 per hour! Don’t let them drag you down.